Venting while Hormonal

The past couple of weeks have flown by. They seem like a whirlwind. Always a ton of things to do, not enough time to do them in. I've wondered if I'm moving slower because of the whole pregnancy thing, but can't decide. I have decided that I do not like pregnancy! That is right. I said it, ok! This pregnancy has been anything but pleasant. I don't want to complain too much because it could be worse. I could have been throwing up all the time like some of my friends. After an almost perfect pregnancy with Kate, this one seems to be the worst for me.

I'm not looking for sympathy. Just for some people to get off my back. And telling me you understand that I'm pregnant and still expect the same stuff anyways, without asking to help, is wrong!!!!! I don't remember being this hormonal/emotional/overwhelmed/depressed/stressed/confused/bitchy/exhausted ever. And it seems to be getting worse. Everything irritates me. My child is driving me crazy and of course it is my fault for her bad behavior. I feel like a horrible friend because I can't keep up with any of them or what is going on in their life. I'm forgetful on everything. So I decided to come on here an vent a little. So here goes....

I've moved my child into a new room in a new big girl bed and she won't go to sleep without me in it. The bed is hard compared to mine and I'm hurting even more now from sleeping on it. Once I leave her I come to my soft bed. Then between midnight and 3 she wakes up crying for me to come back to her bed. This is making me exhausted. That is not including the four times I have to wake up to go to the bathroom. Then hubby's alarm goes off at 5am in order for him to hit snooze 4 to 5 times and not get up till 5:45. By then, I'm awake and want to die. Keep in mind that she isn't really falling asleep until 10pm.

I realize that everyone has things going on in their lives and everyone is usually consumed in them. I usually try to be supportive and active in my friends and family's lives and help out as much as possible. This usually helps me to get behind on things that I need to do for me or my family. I feel it is very important to be a good friend and family member. I also think it sets a good example for Kate so she will be a good friend and family member too. However, with my emotional and hormonal state, I can't do that right now. Please do not assume that I am available to do whatever you want me to do when you want me to do them. Please do not assume that I am ok with everything that you think is ok. Please do not assume that I will never get mad at you or disagree with you. Please understand that even now more than ever you may hurt my feelings by your words or your actions. Please understand that right now I'm feeling overwhelmed by so many things that maybe I need some "me" time. That does not mean I don't like(love) you. So if I act like I don't want to listen to your problems and take them on as my own, don't get your feelings hurt. I just can't do it anymore.

I feel so blessed to have family and friends that love me so much. There are so many things I have to be thankful for, such as:

• A wonderful husband
• A healthy active child
• A loving family
• A couple of great friends
• The chance to stay at home with Kate and watch her grow and learn
• I'm fairly healthy
• I don't do without

So, why do I complain? I don't know. I guess everyone needs to vent about their everyday stresses. Like, why can my hubby not understand that while staying home with Kate is such a blessing, I need time away from her. So leaving me on the weekend with her so he can go do something fun upsets me because doesn't he feel like I need a break too? Or, doesn't he feel like he can have fun spending time with us just as much as leaving us to do something else with someone else. Doesn't he understand that I get tired of having to explain to his child why daddy isn't home. She can't understand why she can't go canoeing with her daddy, even though technically she could have. But I know it would take time out of his free time to spend with his child. She loves him so much and wants to be with him, but he can't see this because all he can see is that she gets on his nerves and is demanding and whiny.

I am apparently a bad mother. According to several things that I have said or done or others have said. I try to feed her healthy food. I try to feed her a variety of foods so she won't be picky when she goes out and to others houses. However, I do let her eat some unhealthy food. I don't want her to be obsessed with eating this stuff as an adult so I feel like it is ok to indulge in a little now and then. I won't judge you about what you feed yourself or your kid if you don't try to make me feel bad about what I feed mine. I give her candy, Little Debbie snacks and we eat Fast Food! We also eat food that comes out of a plastic container. No, I'm not concerned about giving my kid cancer by toxins omitted from the plastic. I bathe my child every other day unless she is really dirty and then I will do the everyday thing. Sometimes, I forget to brush her teeth. Sometimes, I forget to brush her hair before I leave the house with her. I took her to school last week and forgot to take her lunch. I spank her, put her in time out, take things away from her... whatever it takes to make her behave. I don't want to tell anyone how to raise their child, but if you ask my opinion I might give it. Sometimes, I even shut her in her room when she is being so bad and I'm feeling like I can't take it anymore. I'd rather her be in there than me spank her out of madness! I've been using the TV as a babysitter a lot lately because I can't get anything done when she isn't watching it. I need to spend more time with her and play with her. I need to teach her more stuff. I need to be more patient with her. I need to stop giving in to her so much. But sometimes I get overwhelmed and these things either happen or don't.

Ok, so I'm going to try and redeem myself now and take Kate outside to blow bubbles and have some fun because she has been begging to go blow bubbles for about an hour now. Maybe I'll feel better since I've vented a little. Sorry I just felt like I needed to get some things off my chest.